


The Wackadoodle

by Holly57



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crazy women, Erica just wants to kill someone and Derek agrees, Everyone’s alive, Kidnapping, M/M, stiles and derek are boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 04:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20058169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holly57/pseuds/Holly57
Summary: “I like dick and not boobs, and I’m pretty sure you don’t have anything hanging between your legs”Stiles is kidnapped by a crazy women who just wants to marry him and have three kids.





	The Wackadoodle

It was a normal day in Beacon Hills which rarely happens, that’s why it wasn’t at all surprising when Stiles got himself in trouble.

He was tied to a large, oak tree in the middle of the preserve with simple ropes but whoever tied them must of been a brownie or something because they knew how to tie a knot.

His capture was babbling on and on for the last hour that he had been captured for, Stiles was just hoping that his boyfriend or anyone from the pack will realised that he hasn’t appeared yet and will come looking for him.

“...And we’ll get married, I’ll take your name obviously. Doesn’t Penelope Stilinski sound amazing, Penelope Stilinski, Penelope Stilinski doesn’t that just roll of your tongue?” She babbled on, the red headed crazy women staring at his tied form dreamily.

“Then of course we can’t forget about the children, I’ve always been particularly keen on having three kids, two boys and one girl. What do you think sweetheart?” She asked him and it took all his will not to roll his eyes right then and there.

“I think that I’m 100% gay sweetheart, I like dick not boobs and I’m pretty sure that you don’t have the hanging bit between your legs” Stiles sassed, slightly enjoying the way her eyes filled with held back tears.

She sighed rubbing her pale forehead like it was tiring her out talking to him, “They all say that most marriages end this way these days, we can go see my therapist, she’ll help us through these issues” She stated like she had solved all their problems.

Stiles sputtered out a laugh, chuckling he questioned “You, miss messed up in the head, have a therapist?. Is she not good at her job?”.

But before Penelope could answer growls came from the trees surrounding them and seconds later Derek, Scott and Erica jumped out in front of his tied up body. Stiles is pretty sure that everyone else is still out in the woods, probably watching, weirdos.

Scott and Erica moved to untie him while Derek just stood growling at the terrified women.

“Hey Spaz, how’s it going?” Erica joked earning a laugh from Stiles.

“Erica” Scott reprimand half-heartedly, finishing untieing his best friend he asked “Buddy are you okay?, your not hurt right?”.

Stiles just smiled at his worried best friend saying a quick “I’m good bud” before moving away from the pair and going to stand in front of his grumpy boyfriend.

“Hey Derbear, you going to stop growling at the crazy women anytime soon?” Stiles teased leaning up to press a kiss to his werewolf’s cheek, making him relax slightly.

Derek huffed but stop growling, instead wrapping an arm around Stiles’ waist with a scowl at the women.

“Okay so what are we going to do about the wackjob over there, i vote for hurting her” Erica smiled and Derek nodded his agreement.

But good spirited Scott reprimand them both, “Behave you two, we are not going to be hurting anyone, it doesn’t matter if she’s missing a few screws”.

“Then what do you suggest we do?” Stiles asked looking between the terrified Penelope and his best friend.

“Burn the body” Derek muttered earning a glare from Scott but a small cheer from Erica.

Scott walked up to Penelope grabbing her arm in a firm but not painful grip and saying “We will take her to Eichan house, because she obviously needs some help”.

As he dragged her off with Erica’s help, Penelope just started screaming “Don’t worry my love, we will be together, I won’t let this get in the way. Our wedding will be white and blue but your packs not invited their mean” she continued all the way into the woods and on her way to the insane asylum.

“Hey grumpy-pants, are wedding will be black and blue and the packs definitely invited, because we don’t have any other friends” Stiles teased kissing his boyfriends lips and then skipping off to follow Scott and Erica.

Leaving a confused Derek behind.


End file.
